Is it a mother's curse or God teaching us a lesson?

I am sure every parent has heard this phrase when they were a child from a parent: "One of these days you are going to have a child just like you."  Until I had a child of my own, I thought my mom was only kidding with me. Now I am dealing with it full force with my five year old spunky child. During a recent conversation with my mother, I begged and pleaded with her to remove this curse. She couldn't help but laugh and promptly stated that there is no curse. This lead me to wonder Is it a mother's curse or God teaching me a lesson?

All joking a side, I know that my spunky five year old, along will all of my children, that God, in His own way, is trying to teach me a lesson. I know that I am not Biblical smart by any means and I am far from perfect as a father or husband but I try my best.

The Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 6:6 " in purity, in knowledge, in patience, in kindness, in the Holy Spirit, in genuine love." So I thought that I would break each portion of this verse down a little in hopes of identifying the ways that best describe my spunky little girl and what God is teaching me.

"In purity": my spunky little girl can be a pure terror when it comes to things. But is that what it really means. Not hardly! She is doing what is pure and natural to her. It is my job as a parent to teach her the right and wrong ways to do things. That is the job that God has intended me to do when he put this little girl in my life.

"In knowledge": She craves knowledge and it is again my job to teach her. If I don't teach her, someone else will. And that goes for all five of my children when it comes to knowledge. If I do not teach them the right way of life, someone else will teach them and it just maybe the wrong way of life. Not everyone in society looks at views the same way. In fact, we are open to our own interpretation and views. My view may not be the same as yours. I simply want to give them the best knowledge I have based on my own experiences with the hopes that they do not make the same mistakes I made.

"In patience": This is one that I lack a LOT of and need to have a LOT more of. Maybe that is one thing that God is trying to teach me is that I need to be patient with my children and looking at them as a blessing from God. My children know that I love them with all of my heart and soul. They know that I want what is best for them. In turn, their job it to seek out my knowledge and wisdom but at the same time to see how far they can push my limits. It is kind of their test and sometimes I think I fail more than pass.  They see it as their job to help God to teach me some patience.

"In kindness": One of things that we learn growing up is that we should be kind to each other. I think the most important thing that I can teach my kids would be to treat people how you want to be treated. If you don't want to be treated with harshness, don't treat someone that way. I know that this is a struggle for every child to understand and especially with my oldest girl. When I see her harshness, I remind her of how she felt when she was in public school and she felt that she was being bullied. It wasn't the most pleasant feeling. Sometimes that reminder puts her back on the straight and narrow.

"In the Holy Spirit": I need to teach my children to love God more than anything else in the world. I remember a Bill Cosby comment during one of his stand-up routines that went something like this:"I brought you into this world and I can take you right back out." I heard this when I was a child and feared that if I got too far out of line that I would be gone. This was just a naive attempt to get a child to behave. When it is all said and done, God has brought us into this world for His purpose and it is our job as parents to help nurture that through loving guidance and prayer. 

"In genuine love": We can't teach our children to love someone without teaching them a genuine love for God first. True happiness does not come without that love for God and that is what I want for all my children especially my girls. One of my girls is getting to the age of showing interest in boys. A time that I am dreading but I know I cannot control. I know that I must do what I can to teach her that God must be first and foremost in her life and that God will lead the right man into her life. That is what I want for each of my girls. And I know that my son is to love God just as much and that he seeks out the right woman through God.

As I mentioned, I am not Biblical smart by any means but I am smart enough to know that I need to seek His love and guidance just as I must lead my family and teach my children. Through all these trials and tribulations, I have learned that each one of my children are God's children but they are also God's way of teaching me a lesson. Are you ready to starting learning? Just remember, you may be getting more than you bargained for but what I have learned so far has made the journey well worth it.

To have a pity party or not have a pity party???

As my wife continues to work her way through Made to Crave, I have found another opportunity to post something to what is being discussed. I hope this helps shed some light on how we need to give up control.

In 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 (NASB) says "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

We are all faced with various situations that attempt to make or break our spiritual well-being daily. How we face those challenges can develop our character! If it were five or six years ago, I would be having my own little pity party based on my most recent situation. Instead, I choose to take action and get the job done! Here is where I am going to do my best to show my resolve without divulging too many details.

I am in a career field that requires spur of the moment decision making and adapting to various situations. Because of this, I am required to rely on different divisions within my department and when something slips through the cracks, I have to be able to accept what happened and move on.  As a result of a situation that started at the beginning of the week, I was required to travel the next day (Tuesday) 3 hours from home to make a pickup and transport back to my county. Approximately 30 minutes from my destination, I received a telephone call and advised that I may be picking up one more package. When I arrived at my destination I received another call advising that I was in fact picking up another and having to make the transport back to my county. The first thing I am thinking is that I am not going to make it back home before the winter storm that is starting to work its way through North Carolina hits.

As we were leaving, I noticed small snowflakes starting to fall. Hit the road now John or your going to be stranded on the highway for who knows how long. The first two hours of what should be a three hour trip back were uneventful. About that time is when I called to check into the office and was told the office was closing due to weather conditions. The first thing I realized is that I am going to drive into this storm and be stuck out on the road in the middle of nowhere. Needless to say, I had a six hour trip turn into 13 grueling hours but the job was completed and my bosses were happy.

Raleigh snow photo goes viral

When it is all said and done, we can throw that pity party or look at what we are suppose to learn from it. I am sure many of you have seen the photo (both the original and those that have had various editing done). How is my situation any worse that what others endured on the afternoon of February 12, 2014 or the situation several weeks ago in Atlanta, GA? Am I any better that the other people that were out there? In part it comes down to what we learn from the situation! Take for example this Atlanta, GA situation:

Chick Fil A story

There are many untold stories that go with what happens during snow storms. The Chick Fil A story shows how people went from the possible pity party into acts of kindness. There were many acts of kindness that will go untold for whatever reason.

Yesterday, I could have thrown that pity party and given into what was happening. However, God was trying to teach me something. He wanted me to surrender to the situation and trust that He will get me through it. He wanted me to release control and let Him have it. It is not easy! We have control issues and when we cannot control our own situation, we take a step back and have that pity party. We look at things as if everyone is out to get us.

Lysa Terkeurst said "I am made for more, I am made for victory." Hearing this makes even more sense to me especially in my recent situation. To have a pity party would only give into Satan's grasp and allow him control of the situation. To not have a pity party allows God to have control and allows us to learn what He wants to teach us.


Hearing 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 allows me to understand even more that I need to surrender each and every situation to Him and not allow Satan in. Do I have that pity party (letting Satan in and feeling sorry for my situation) or not having a pity party (Let God in and trust his plan for me)? 

Handguns and small children

This morning my wife shared a story with me and after reading it I felt the need to express my thoughts on the matter. It is an on-going debate over the ownership of guns in the home and in particular homes that have children.

Parenting Advice Columnist

All too often, we hear about a young child being injured or losing their life as a result of being shot. In the story linked above, the shooting victim is 17 months old and the shooter is only 3 years old. It is hard to believe that it could happen but it did. Although she was not seriously hurt, the article did bring up the intriguing thought that "guns in the house and small children don't mix".

And thus, I add my thoughts on the matter. As someone that has a career in Law Enforcement, I am issued a handgun for the purpose of performing my daily duties. That weapon comes home with me every night after work and leaves with me every morning when I go to work. That is a part of my safety package in my career field. And I have been properly trained on what I need to do with that weapon. Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying this gentlemen did not know what he was doing with that weapon. I am not saying that at all! And there is the old saying that accidents even happen with the over confidence of some firearms experts.

Here is what I am saying, you can have a mix of guns in the home and small children if it is done correctly. I have five children in my home from age 1 to 11 and from the time in which I started my career, I have made it perfectly clear to each of them that when I come home from work what is expected. The expectation is that daddy needs 5 minutes to take all of his equipment and properly secure his handgun for the night. My children have already learned from me that my handgun is not a toy and should be treated as a dangerous weapon. They know that they are NOT to touch it! And the only time in which they see my handgun is after I have pulled it out of my lock-box and have placed it into my holster. Aside from that, they do not see my handgun and it is properly locked inside a lock-box and out of their reach.

So yes, you can have a mix of guns in a home with small children so long as you take the steps to ensure the safety of the children and teach them at an early age what to do when they come across a hand-gun. Education is IMPORTANT! My 5 year old makes it a point to keep our 1 year old out of daddy's way so that he can make his handgun safe before letting her interact with daddy.

How can the journey of grief impact us?

When we are hit with a loss of a loved one or even a job we ask ourselves, where is God in all of this? During my second week in the TCC Grief Share program, I wondered if it was alright to question God. You see, I was a new believer just learning to trust Him and was not sure if it was permissible to question things that He has control over. What I learned is that it is okay to question God to see what we are suppose to learn from our grief. So if you are unsure just ask! He will answer!

I did not have God to help me work through my pain and I did not see what He had planned for me. During this session of TCC Grief Share, I had a revelation or as Oprah Winfrey would say an "Aha" moment. What I did not see through all this grief that built up was who God had put in my mother's life a few years later. I did not see that He was putting my mother with someone that can guide her to a spiritual need that she needed in her life. I didn't want to see it because I, like many people, can never see a parent with someone else than the other parent.

That night, I opened myself up to something new and made some changes to accept my step-father for who he was. It was something I needed to do because for the first few years of my relationship with him was built on some hostility followed by little trust with who he was. I took the opportunity to express that in a letter to both my mom and step-father that I know caught them off guard. In the end, I think I gained their respect and I gained a new perspective on my life and relationship with them.

Something to consider as your working through your grief journey is what are you willing to open yourself to? Are you going to look at the total picture of what God wants you to see or are you going to put blinders on? In time it will get easier to cope with the loss. Just be willing and open to what you are about to learn.

Crazy Mode Be Gone

In Lysa TerKeurst book, Made to Crave, she talks about struggling with a flawed perception of herself. She says, "My sense of identity and worth were dependent on the wrong things- my circumstances or my weight or whether I yelled at my kids that day or what other people thought of me. If I sensed I wasn't measuring up, I kicked into either withdrawal mode or fix-it mode. Withdrawal mode made me pull back from relationships, fearing others' judgements. I built walls around my heart to keep people at a distance. Fix-it mode made me over-analyze other people's every word and expression..." It's like she was writing about me. I do exactly that. I either withdraw to protect my feelings or try to fix myself to please others. People, this is crazy mode! And I can promise you it has caused me greater pain rather than protecting me like I hoped. I found in my crazy mode that I created distance from the people who God had given to support and encourage me. If I had only spoken up about how I was struggling instead of pulling away. I would also try to fix myself to fit what others thought I should be and in the process I would end up losing sight of what God was helping me become.

Now when I face a situation that could send me into crazy mode, I have to ask myself "What would be pleasing to God?". And if I can't answer that question, then I go to His Word and look for it. We are so blessed to have the Living Words of the Bible to be a guide. God has a purpose for each of us and that purpose is lost in crazy mode.

I will go before you

and will level the mountains ;

I will break down gates of bronze

and cut through bars of iron.

I will give you hidden treasures,

riches stored in secret places,

so that you may know that I am the Lord,

the God of Israel, who summons you by name. 

Isaiah 45:2-3

How do we live with Grief?

When I first started attending grief share at TCC I often wondered what fueled my grief? And what fueled it was my anger! I was angry that my father was not around to see my children and be a part of their lives. And I continued to let that anger grow. And I did not look at the whole picture.

Because of all that transpired with my father's death, I did not grieve and simply went into take charge mode (as I mentioned in an early post). I placed all the burden on my shoulders and did not allow others into help me along the way. It was this burden that did not allow me to see God's purpose for me and what I needed to learn from this.

Matthew 5:4 says "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." This is so true as long as you open yourself up and allow yourself to mourn. Others will be there to comfort you and guide you through this tough time. Just simply allow yourself to mourn the loss of a loved one. What is funny about this is that it took me over 20 years to learn what God wanted me to learn from my father's death. Don't make the same mistake I made by not allowing others in to help you during your time of mourning. I know that in time, I will mourn again. I know in time, that my wife and children will have to mourn the loss of someone close to them. I want to be there for them and help guide them along the way. This is what I hope and pray that I can do through God's help.