Dealing with Grief

What I am about to share is something that I have not shared except with those within my family and church community. It is something that I have talked about as little as possible or with very little detail about how I dealt with grief. However, there comes a time when you have to come out of your shell a little more and hope that you can help someone else out through your own personal experience.

At some time in our life, we will grieve for some form of loss in our life. It can come in any form such as the death of a loved one or the loss of a job. How we react to that loss can impact of life for years to come in either a positive way or negative. Ask yourself one question, would God approve of my grief process?

It is not as simple as that! I know and I speak from experience. On June 6, 1990, I was 20 years old when my father died. It was just 39 days before my 21st birthday but more importantly, 3 days before my younger brother was to graduate from high school. Decision time: grieve in sorrow or step up and be a man and do what needs to be done.  

In 1990, I did not know any better.  I had to step into a role that I was not ready for or at least I did not think I was ready for. I knew my mother needed a support network around her to help her get through this time. I knew my brother, who was very vocal about not attending his high school graduation, needed friends around him to walk across that stage and receive his diploma. All I knew was it had to happen and I was going to do everything I can to make it happen. In that process, I shut down my grief process. I went into take charge and get it done mode!

A year after my dad’s death, I moved away from Florida and back to Connecticut where I was born. Things needed to change; I could not live in where I grew up. I hid from what I needed to face and that was I lost a loved one and I did not grieve that loss. And in the end it made it difficult for me to face June 6 and December 3. 

It wasn’t until after my wife and I started attending our current church that I faced this problem head on. It was during one of the church sermons that I heard one of the Pastors speaking about his father who was a famous announcer for NASCAR racing in the 1980’s. It was during this message that he told of the loss of his father and how to work through the grief process. It was a difficult message, that I could not sit entirely through but it was enough of a push for me to seek out some guidance. It led me to Grief Share at my church.

What I learned in that 13 week support group is that I am not alone. However, there is a right way and a wrong way to grieve. The right way is to seek God’s wisdom and guidance through this process.  Until I started this process, I was doing it the wrong way. It takes time to grieve and what I learned along the way is that I cannot shut out what God’s plan is for life in general. This is something to be learned during the grief process. That is easier said than done when you have lost someone that you love. In the end, I gained a new perspective and a new outlook on life in general.

One of the things I seem to always come back to on some of my posts on our family blog is something that I learned from the movie courageous.  For this post, I feel that this is appropriate:

"There needs to be a grieving process, and the Lords the one who carries you through it. It takes time. It takes time for healing. I've heard many people say who've lost a loved one, that in some ways, it's like learning to live with an amputation. You do heal, but you're never the same. I would also say, that those who go through this and trust in the Lord discover a comfort and an intimacy with God that most people never experience. He doesn't promise an explanation, but He does promise to walk with us through the pain. And the hard choice for you is whether or not your going to be angry for the time you didn't have..., or grateful for the time that you did have."

As I move forward, I intend to reflect on each of my 13 weeks in the TCC Grief Share program. I hope and pray that my experience will help guide you through these tough times. You can also find additional information at the following link:

TCC Grief Share